I Found Liberation by Spilling My Secrets Online
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2022 was the cringiest year of my life.
By the end of it, I was:
unemployed
living back at home with my parents
having trouble with all of my relationships
sleeping my days away
unable to get over my break-up
feeling like a complete waste of space and life.
It was a year that felt like moving through thick, yellow/brown goo.
ICK.
In any given moment, I wished I was somewhere else. Someone else. Although I knew that going through this stage and taking a break from the world was exactly what I needed, I constantly wished things could just be more simple for me.
It felt like I was the only one who's mental health and sense of identity was impacted by the weight of generational trauma. I couldn't figure out how to move, where to focus my energy, what values to stand by.
Everything was just so damn confusing.
And it felt like no one had any empathy for what I was going through. I was constantly told that I was doing just fine and that my problems didn't seem as big as I was making them out to be.
It was so frustrating to recognize that we live in a society where we're taught to ask for help when we need it, but act like a deer caught in the headlights when we're the ones that are being asked for help.
I noticed a discrepancy that I knew had to be fixed. We need a place to have the conversations that allow us to figure out exactly how to keep going - to figure out what direction to take that will ultimately lead to happiness.
So, I created it.
Welcome to The Hustle Legacy, where we don't shy away from looking into the deeper and darker parts of society and ourselves in order to reach true enlightenment.
Here's my story:
My Background
In 2017, I moved 4 hours away from my family to pursue my college education.
I went from growing up in a city with one of the most diverse populations in the country to moving to a rural town, where most of the residents there had never even heard of the country my family is from.
I didn't think this would be that big of a deal.
I have a very personable personality, and figured I would adapt easily. However, being so far removed from everything I had ever known quickly disintegrated the reality my brain had led me to believe in.
I lost all sense of my identity.
By the time summer break came around, I was already unknowingly knee-deep into a depression that would drown me in the years to come. One that took 5 years of blood, sweat, and tears (literally) to pull myself out of.
There were so many moments that I was sure that this depression would be the end of me.
Whether it be the days that I was pulling my hair and screaming to the top of my lungs, or the days that I couldn't even muster up the energy to will myself out of bed, I was running from an invisible demon that I was sure would eventually catch up to me.
And I ran all the way to a new city, with a new group of friends, a brand new job, and a completely new life.
One where I could pretend where all the demons that led me up to this point didn't even exist. I could just be another college grad who's biggest problems were navigating life after Covid.
No on knew the demons I was fighting. To the outside world, I graduated college, moved to a new city in a brand new apartment, got a great social life and the dream job.
This was all true... but nowhere near the full picture.
Beneath the Surface
While from the outside, I lived in my dream apartment, had an active social life, and was managing my breakup surprisingly well by getting attention from endless other men, underneath I was panicking.
Scared that everything was destined to come crumbling down because I knew that I was living a lie. And it did.
In the form of a podcast episode where I revealed many of my darkest thoughts while living through my cringiest year.... on the anniversary of my breakup.
Yes, we love a good dramatic effect.
I spent so long being so scared of everybody else realizing how messed up I really was. The funny thing about it is that the very thing that scared me so much is what actually set me free.
Following my release of what was titled "The Philly Chapter", my entire life that I had spent the past year building came crumbling down around me.
I lost all of my new friends and a great deal of my old ones, all scared of this new identity I was embodying and the vulnerability that came with it.
I moved back in with my parents, quit my job, and spent my time shamelessly sleeping away my days.
I became a major homebody. Said no to any and all plans (including having a job), choosing to spend that time in the company of my own dark thoughts.
My external world finally matched the way I'd been feeling on the inside for years. And lemme tell you something, it felt so good to finally be able to live in that truth.
Pure bliss.
While to everyone else, this may have looked like rock bottom, I would argue that this phase was actually my come-up. I finally was able to dedicate all of my time to healing myself.
More importantly, I finally was able to stop hiding from my realities, no matter how dark, confusing, or messy it was.
Being Liberated
Releasing "The Philly Chapter" on my podcast was my Liberation.
The freedom that came with finally being able to come out with the truth and put a middle finger up to anybody that had a problem with it was worth every piece of judgement, every moment of discomfort, every death of a friendship.
Releasing that episode forced me to come out of hiding. I've had to live every moment since with my story written on my chest like a tattoo.
Following the release, I was living in a world where my private thoughts were posted online for anyone to hear. The uncomfy part about that is not knowing who's actually heard it.
No matter who I interacted with, all that ran in the back of my head was "Have your opinions of me changed because you've heard my journal entries?" The thing about posting online is that no matter how vulnerable you are, you don't get that same vulnerability back from your audience.
People like consuming content from the shadows. Rarely will they let you know that they've spent any time on you with a simple like, comment, or reshare. Although of no cost to anyone, people guard their user engagement more than they guard their own money.
Because people are scared to be vulnerable.
However, sitting in that fear is what allowed me to break out of it. After posting "The Philly Chapter" episode, my fear of judgement became so loud that I had no choice but to silence it and to begin listening to my own voice instead.
Gone are the days where I second-guess what I have to say to the world. Once you post your darkest thoughts online and realize you survived it (hell, that you're better for it), the thought of being vulnerable doesn't seem so scary anymore.
So, in my hibernation, that's what I became good at; listening to my own voice.
What I learned from doing that was that I was once so scared of admitting who I was to myself because I knew so much of it would be rejected by others.
When there was no longer anyone left to reject me, I was free to do as I wish and truly make the world my playground. I knew that the only people left in my life loved and supported me unconditionally.
I found my freedom.
But, the journey to getting there was a damn hard one. One that is not for the weak-hearted. It's built to take you out. Surviving the journey to liberation taught me one important lesson:
Only hustlers have what it takes to find freedom.
What Freedom Looks Like
So, what does my life look like now?
My Healing Era was much-needed and well-deserved but homeless, jobless, and scared to socialize is never the state any of us want to be in forever.
Thanks to this chapter of my life, I am now working on my passions full-time.
The Hustle Legacy is my top priority
My life is filled with healthy and happy relationships
I occupy my time with adventure & new experiences
and I have more confidence in myself and my abilities than I ever have before
It is safe to say that I am the best version of myself today and on a trajectory to become even better. None of that would've been possible had I been too scared to step into my vulnerability.
We're led to believe that with vulnerability comes challenges and failure. But vulnerability is truly our greatest superpower.
Where We’re Going from Here
I am proud to say that after a year and a half of working on myself in the shadows, I am finally back online as The Hustle Legacy, ready to make my mark and change society for the better!
Here's how:
Stay tuned for more articles like this one. Catch up on any you haven't read and learn more about my story and perspectives. Any comments left under articles may be unpacked in future podcast episodes, so don't be afraid to share your thoughts!
Dig deeper by listening in on the podcast. If you think of the blog as the appetizer, the podcast is the main course. Here, we dive deeper and darker as we aim to unpack society's harsh truths and learn how to embody The Hustle Mentality. Tune in to hear more details on personal stories and engage in thought-provoking conversations.
Follow along on socials, so you know everything that's going on with The Hustle Legacy and you don't miss a beat! Instagram and LinkedIn will let you know when new things are posted. TikTok will give you a little look at my day-to-day life.
Become an official member of The Hustle Community by joining our groupchat on CaughtUp (a company I co-founded to bring people together). See what I'm working on, meet other Hustlers, know what events are coming up, and so much more. This is how you let me know that you're here to stay.
When I first started The Hustle Legacy, it was just meant to be a passion project to help me channel my energy into something positive.
Now, it's the place where I have found my purpose; to share my story and foster a community of Hustlers who don't shy away from the harsh truths that come with living a life.
We are all meant to make our marks. But, the journey to doing so is quite a ride. I thank you for joining me on my journey to making mine.
PUSH THE CONVERSATION FORWARD
As I share more of my experiences and perspectives, I’ll pose thought-provoking questions to encourage you to take these topics beyond my stories and apply them to your own. Use these questions as journaling prompts or conversation starters to aid you in your self-reflection. Let me and the rest of The Hustle Legacy community know how you’ve used these questions to push the conversation forward by sharing your thoughts in the comments below . Your engagement helps drive the mission of turning The Hustle Legacy into your go-to ecosystem for Self Discovery. Thank you for being a part of this Legacy journey.
Prompts from this Article
Have you ever lived through a cringey year? What was it like? When was it? Tell us about how it helped you on your path to enlightenment.
Do you find it difficult to be vulnerable? If so, what makes it so hard? How have you tried to push passed it? What has that looked like for you?
Where do you go when you need to figure things out? Do you reach out to family & friends? Do you turn to the internet to connect with strangers who have relatable stories? Or do you like spending that time alone?