The Oedipus/Electra Complex: A Lens for Understanding Relationship Dynamics
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Here, I share books, podcasts, YouTube videos, and other nuggets of knowledge that empower the journey of Self Discovery. My goal by sharing these resources is to highlight conversations, viewpoints, and concepts that can enhance your understanding of yourself and the world around you. I am a big believer in knowledge being our strongest tool of empowerment. As such, these resources are meant to challenge the traditional ways of thinking to give you the control of your own narrative. The Hustle Legacy was built to bring you the knowledge you didn't know you needed to reach your full potential.
This article unpacks the uncomfortable concept of basing your relationship with love on your attraction to your parents. Based on a theory coined by the Father of Psychoanalysis, the Oedipus and Electra Complex help us make sense of some of our behavioral patterns and feelings towards our romantic relationships. Applying psychological ideas like this to your own experiences empower your journey of Self Discovery by giving you a better understanding of how your mind works. I wanted to unpack this psychological theory with you because of the impact it has had in my own journey to understanding myself. Use this as a resource to introduce you to the power of psychology. Click on the links throughout this article to gain a more complex understanding of the Oedipus and Electra Complex and the study of psychology as a whole.
Imagine having a crush on your dad.
It sounds appalling, I know. Yet, one of the oldest theories of human behavior is based on the idea that all of us are behaving on the subconscious notion that we aspire to be with our parent of the opposite sex.
This theory, known as the Oedipus or Electra Complex, was developed by Sigmund Freud, also known as the Father of Psychoanalysis. Born in 1856, this theory, like much of psychology, has only been around for the last hundred or so years, making this area of study widely under-researched, with few strong conclusions developed.
This leaves us to come to our own conclusions about how our psychology impacts us, based off of what we already know and what we've experienced ourselves.
As an ecosystem of Self Discovery, The Hustle Legacy strives to help you better understand how psychology can be a useful tool in your self reflection and in your understanding of the world. As such, the Oedipus and Electra Complex has become a strong base in my understanding of why I interact in my love life the way that I do.
From always keeping connections at a distance, to putting my father's ideas of the perfect suitor over mine, learning more about the Electra Complex helped me dissect my own thoughts and behaviors in love.
As I unpack more of my journey in the "Daddy Issues Era" series, I've mentioned the Oedipus and Electra complex a few times. I felt it only fitting that I finally write an article to explain the importance of this psychological theory on our Self Discovery.
Use this as a resource in understanding your own journey. Comment questions you may have about this complex in the comments or my dms. Answer the guiding prompt questions given at the end of this article to further unpack the ideas discussed.
Whatever you decide to do with this nugget of knowledge, let your understanding of the Oedipus and Electra Complex guide you in your understanding of yourself.
The Importance of Psychology in Self Discovery
The journey of Self Discovery is empowered through knowledge. The more you know, the more control you have over understanding yourself and the world around you. One particular area of study that helps you in your self reflection is psychology.
The study of psychology is the scientific investigation of human behavior and mental processes. It investigates cognitive processes, emotions, and social interactions, to uncover the underlying factors that shape who we are as people.
The science of the mind and human behavior is a crucial field of research that sheds light on the complexities of the human experience. The more you understand about it, the better equipped you are in understanding how you work.
Sigmund Freud
Sigmund Freud, a renowned Austrian neurologist and psychotherapist delved deep into the human psyche, exploring the unconscious mind and its influence on behavior. As the Father of Psychoanalysis, his primary method of study aimed to bring unconscious thoughts and feelings to the conscious level.
Freud's theories on psychosexual development, particularly the Oedipus and Electra complexes, have been both influential and controversial. Even in his time, the idea that we are all operating on a subconscious level based off of sexual fantasies for our parents was too sick for people to accept.
Freud's conclusions, which he came to primarily through case studies and clinical observations, have been criticized for their subjectivity and lack of scientific rigor. However, by analyzing the dreams, fantasies, and childhood memories of himself and his patients, Freud identified patterns that he believed were universal to human development.
Whatever your thoughts on the credibility of his studies may be, there's no denying the patterns Freud suggests in our human behavior. By opening your mind up to accepting the potential validity of his ideas, you'll discover how the Oedipus or Electra Complex plays a part in your behavioral patterns, especially when it comes to love.
The Oedipus and Electra Complex Explained
Freud's original theory suggested that young children develop intense feelings of love and desire for the opposite-sex parent, while simultaneously fearing and resenting the same-sex parent. This conflict, known as the Oedipus complex for boys and the Electra complex for girls, is believed to be a universal stage of development.
While I'm not suggesting that you have an actual crush on your mom or dad, the idea that we live to please our parent of the opposite sex, while resenting the parent of the same sex still stands. Take "Daddy's Girls" and "Mama's Boys" for example.
Both of these terms are meant to describe individuals who are extremely close and overly dependent on their parent of the opposite sex. You don't hear as many people talking about "Daddy's Boys" and "Mama's Girls". Instead, you will hear about sons feuding with their fathers and daughters not wanting to end up like their mothers.
And don't even get me started on the sexual kinks of calling your partner "Mommy" or "Daddy". Where do you think that came from?
The idea of having a crush on your dad might sound gross, but you have to admit it, you could see where some of the patterns Freud noticed were coming from. At the end of the day, our parents act like a model for who we should be and who we should be with. That's bound to cause some tension in your subconscious about how you're meant to interact with your parents and partners.
Pulling from Personal Experiences
When I discovered the Oedipus and Electra Complex from a psychology class in college, it stuck with me. I've always known that I had a complicated relationship with my father and I welcomed anything that would give me some answers on how to untangle it.
I remember refusing to believe that of all things in psychology, this theory was more controversial than most and not widely accepted by all scholars. To me, it made total sense. Freud wasn't telling us that we wanted to actually be with our parents. He was just letting us know that we aspire to be with somebody like them.
Understanding that could help us better understand why we choose the romantic partners that we do, why we seek validation from the areas we seek it from, and why our relationship with our parents is the way that they are.
I found it stupid that just because it was a hard reality to accept, the choice was to not accept it. I also was grateful to my professor for still teaching it to us like it was an important theory of psychology.
This gave me the foundation to explore how the Electra Complex plays a part in my life. From it, I realized that every single thing about the way I interacted in my romantic life came down to gaining the approval of my father.
In high school, I didn't date seriously and kept all boys I talked to at a distance because I believed no boy was worth the wrath of my father if he were to find out about our relationship.
Many of my early sexual experiences were based on me still trying to figure out how I felt about sex before marriage, something I knew my dad would never approve of. (Read more on my current thoughts on sexuality in my article, What's So Wrong with Being a Hoe?)
My type in men consists of hard-working, strong, protector, handymen type... many of which are characteristics my dad has.
Every man I ended things with came down to knowing that they would never win the approval of my father. In the end, I ultimately chose the man who gave me his seed over the man I loved.
Although I clearly wasn't walking around trying to get my mom out of the picture so that I could finally be with my dad, I was walking around giving this man more importance than any other human being in my life. And that, my friend, is how the Electra and Oedipus Complex works its magic.
Self Reflection & Psychology
Exploring the Oedipus and Electra complexes can be uncomfortable, as it involves confronting deep-seated emotions and beliefs. However, this process can be incredibly valuable for personal growth and self-understanding.
Whether you believe Freud's theory is valid or not, as the Father of Psychoanalysis, it's hard not to admit that there may be some truth to what he was spewing. By examining our unconscious motivations, we gain valuable insights into our relationship patterns and are better able to make conscious choices that break us free from unhealthy cycles.
The Oedipus and Electra complexes serve as a powerful tool for Self Discovery by giving you a foundation to unpack how you work in your romantic relationships and why you behave the way you do. By understanding how our childhood experiences may be influencing our adult relationships, we can develop healthier coping mechanisms, improve our communication skills, and cultivate more fulfilling connections.
I continue to unpack my own relationship with this complex in my Daddy Issues Era Series, where I talk more about my relationship with my own father and how that has impacted my journey of Self Discovery. Follow me on socials (links below) to stay up to date on when I release new content.
Congratulations on taking your journey of Self Discovery seriously. I hope this article on the Oedipus and Electra Complex helped you better understand yourself. Take things a step further by answering the prompt questions from the article below. Use these questions to help you reflect and push the conversation forward of how our parents impact our romantic lives.
Until next time. Keep hustling 💎
PUSH THE CONVERSATION FORWARD
As I share more of my experiences and perspectives, I’ll pose thought-provoking questions to encourage you to take these topics beyond my stories and apply them to your own. Use these questions as journaling prompts or conversation starters to aid you in your self-reflection. Let me and the rest of The Hustle Legacy community know how you’ve used these questions to push the conversation forward by sharing your thoughts in the comments below . Your engagement helps drive the mission of turning The Hustle Legacy into your go-to ecosystem for Self Discovery. Thank you for being a part of this Legacy journey.
Prompts from this Article
How have your relationships with your parents, particularly your parent of the opposite sex, shaped your views on love and relationships?
Do you notice any recurring patterns in the types of partners you're attracted to? How might these patterns be influenced by your early experiences with your parents?
What steps can you take to break free from any negative patterns or limiting beliefs that may be rooted in your childhood experiences? How can you cultivate healthier and more fulfilling relationships?
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